I Wonder...

I had a conversation yesterday that made me wonder what it would have been like to talk to a young William Carey.  How would a young Amy Carmichael have looked at the world, before she went off to change her world for Christ?  How did a young Bob Hughes wrestle with the calling of God on his life?  What did those missionary greats that we have come to know look like, act like, think like, before they hit the field for the first time?  I have a unique vantage point right now on the workings of the Holy Spirit on the heart and life of a young missionary, because there is one who counts me as her confidant and sounding board.  Who knows whether she will become one of those few whose exploits for God turn them into household names stirring the hearts of future generations to greater heights for God.  Odds are that she will become one of the nameless multitude who faithfully serve in some darkened corner of the world known only to God, until the day when we all stand before Him to receive our crowns.  However the future turns out, today I am standing in awe of the work that God is doing in the heart of His young servant, my daughter, Chelsea.  It seems that every time we speak now, it doesn't take long for the tears to start flowing.  Most of you know that she is preparing for an 11-month,11-country, missions trip that will take her into the heart of darkness in the most poverty-stricken and gospel-starved corners of the earth.  But few of you have the window into her heart that she and God have afforded me.  A year ago May, I moved Chelsea from Springfield, MO to Amarillo, TX.  I packed most of what she owned in the back of our Suburban and a 6'x8'x12' U-Haul trailer and stored the rest in our storage space here in Grove.  In only a matter of days, she would graduate from Baptist Bible College with a degree in business and she hoped to start her own business one day. But first, she planned to take a little missions trip to the Philippines and China.  While there, God began a slow but deliberate process of pruning, shaping, and refining her into someone that He could use. Since her return, He has continued to chip away at the things that would hold her back.  And she has willingly (sometimes) allowed Him to do so, until her life and heart are now refined to their most basic essence.  In a few weeks, she will move back home for a short time before leaving on her journey.  When she does, she will bring with her four plastic bins that contain what remains of her earthly possessions.  She will, for the most part, have sold everything that she has in order to be used up for God.  Which brings us to the conversation that we had yesterday afternoon.  She said, "Dad, I'm sending you a list of all of my books.  See if there are any that you want before I sell the rest.  God has made it clear that He wants it all.  At first, it wasn't too hard.  He wanted me to simplify my life, make a few sacrifices, get rid of some of my excess.  But now, He is carving away some flesh and bone.  He is asking me to give up a part of my identity.  I'm the girl who always has five books in her backpack, whose house is like a library to her friends, who almost any time you see her has a book in her hands.  This is getting hard.  My friends keep telling me, you are coming home someday and you will need some of this stuff, but God keeps saying, "If I can provide for you over the next year, why would you think I wouldn't provide for you later."" All I could think of while I listened to her speak of the running dialogue between her and God, was, "Who is this woman that she has become?  How did she emerge from that defiant little girl with a rapier wit and a fiery temper?  And with a heart of passion like this who knows what God will be able to do through her life?"   I have always been proud of my children.  I tend to brag about there athletic accomplishments a little to loudly and a little too often. But the feelings that I am having these days about both of my kids tend more toward awe and wonder than fatherly pride.  Because what I see in their lives today is not the imitation of the Godly example that I have tried to live before them, but the passionate pursuit of an intimate relationship with God that goes far beyond what they have ever seen in me.  I see in Chelsea a radically different level of commitment to the Gospel than has ever been true of me.  I see in her an example to follow as I press toward the mark in the waning years of my life.  I have no idea what the future holds, but I do know that she is ready to be used by God wherever He chooses and when someone is willing to lay themselves in the hands of God, He has a tendency to do great things through them.